Overcoming Homosexuality and Porn Addiction

I sat down with Ken Williams in a recent podcast episode to talk about his masculine journey as he overcame homosexuality and porn addiction. In our conversation, Ken talks openly about how he struggled for decades with the shame and confusion of same-sex attraction. He describes his fight against depression and suicide before finally seeking help and getting on a path where he would eventually encounter God and His transformative power. Today, Ken consults with people who struggle with sexual brokenness and helps them journey with God to find wholeness & freedom. But it wasn't always this way.

As a kid, Ken could tell you exactly what the Bible says about homosexuality. He could point you right to the verses and explain why homosexuality is a sin. But the information and knowledge he had in front of him did not line up with his experience. He was saved, he prayed, he went to church and tried to earn favor with God by trying to be perfect. Yet no amount of striving would take away the deep shame he felt.

God Has a Solution

By the time he was 17 years old, Ken was suicidal because he knew he did not want to live the way he was living. So much had happened to him over his formative years to affirm that he did not measure up to the other boys. His identity as a boy being shaped into a man was questioned and altered by small instances that went unchecked long enough to allow strategic lies to form within him. Those lies repeatedly told him that he was damaged and sinful. They stripped away innocence and hope of restoration.

It was not until he finally broke down with his parents and sought help that he was able to see the crushing weight of the theology he was clinging to. Ken sat at the feet of a Christian psychologist who he says kept him alive for five years. In that time, he discovered just how much he was trying to be Jesus instead of following Jesus. His striving after God for change hindered him from seeing the grace of God that we have access to. But overtime Ken began to cultivate a deep faith and an intimate relationship with God as Father that extended past rules and instructions. In that season he discovered that God is a good God who must have a solution for homosexuality.

Intimacy With God Changes Everything

For Ken, that small realization and shift in mindset were enough to change everything. It is important for us to remember that no matter what we are facing, God always has a solution. It is up to us whether we will trust Him long enough to see Him bring about our victory. This biblical principle is perfectly paralleled in the story of King Jehoshaphat in 2 Chronicles 20.

In that story, we meet a king who emerged victorious against an overwhelming and numerically superior enemy simply because he believed that the answer could only be found in the Lord. He prioritized intimacy with God as his strategy for warfare. In the story, we read that King Jehoshaphat had a great multitude come against him from Syria, but instead of running away or giving in, he shocks us with his dependency on God. Verse 12 says this:

“For we are powerless before this vast army that comes against us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon You.”

God is in control, but he is not controlling. You have all the free will in the world to sin as you please, and though God hates it, He will not control an area of your life that you will not give over to Him. Admitting that you do not know what to do and setting your face to seek God is not weak! In fact, it is a position of true power and strength in which you turn all your attention to Him and acknowledge that only He has the answers.

A Radical Transformation

Ken encourages guys to keep walking it out with the Lord until they get everything that Jesus died for. Sometimes victory comes in an instant and other times it comes after a series of instances. But whether it takes 3, 30, or 300 steps, having your eyes on God is key. This is what Ken did. One encounter after encounter with spiritual fathers and mentors helped usher a radical transformation that brought him to meet a woman who would later become his wife and the mother of his 4 children. God always has a solution.

Ken explains that his journey taught him just how much homosexuality is an intimacy and relational problem. As it turns out, intimacy and relational connection were the solutions. He says that as you endeavor to represent Christ your victory will be found in knowing God intimately and being known intimately by those in your community; real relationships, being real men with real problems.

Questions and Answer with Ken Williams

Where does homosexuality come from?

Ken: Homosexuality is a complex issue that does not have just one cause. Rather there are many contributing factors that lead to an intimacy disruption which often keeps people from knowing who they truly are in Christ. Many times, homosexuality is a search for self from a place of isolation and loneliness.

What stereotypes hinder us from being able to have an atmosphere for change and transformation?

Ken: The power of the LGBTQ pride movement comes from the depth of the shame. We as the body of Christ need to have grace rather than putting up walls to protect ourselves from what we do not fully understand. We also need to have more faith in God’s ability to lead us and to protect us while we rub shoulders and come alongside people in the LGBTQ community and treat them like we would anyone else. You do not need to be an expert to be powerful in ministering or offering hope. Our communities can do a lot of good with more affirmation, affection, and attention.

What did you wish you had in a community of men that would be helpful for men coming out of homosexuality?

Ken: A man coming out of gender confusion or homosexuality needs strong, kind, and spirit-filled men that can come alongside him. They need a community of men that are masculine and competitive, but that are also capable of bridging the gap for someone who is not the stereotypical masculine guy. There needs to be a place where other men humble themselves to be there and to walk with others who are struggling with identity.

How can parents be intentional about teaching their children about sexual identities?

Ken: First, do something. Be proactive and do it early/ Most of the damage is done by doing nothing. This approach leaves our children to figure it out themselves, learn from their peers, or from pornographic videos. Parents also have to be intentional about demystifying gender roles and body parts. Most importantly, we have to let our children know they can come to us with questions. Also, its good to find ways to celebrate what it means to be a man or a woman created in the image of God. We have to show our children how the two roles are different not just biologically, but also psychologically and physiologically.

What is a father’s role in teaching sexual identities to his children?

Ken: Fatherlessness is the number one problem in the world which clearly creates a cascade of deficiency throughout societies. Think about it; someone without a father goes around life without the intention of being a father. And that man tends to sleep around and has no interest in being there to establish a healthy environment in which to raise children. Simply put, boys without fathers in the home do not have prototypes of what is noble or right. Many of those boys then turn to culture, or to social media in search of someone large and loud to teach them what they lack.

If you had one minute to go back in time, what would you say to your 21-year-old self?

Ken: I would say “trust in the LORD with all your heart. And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him. And He will make your paths straight” (Proverbs 3:5-6). The shortcut to the life that you want, the shortcut to fulfillment and right fellowship with God is found in a radical pursuit of intimacy with God as Father. God can be known, and every ounce of energy that you devote to truly know Him will pay back dividends. Trust Him.

You can connect with Ken Williams Ministries to learn more about his story and his work. Also, check out Equipped to Love and Changed Movement for more helpful resources and testimonies.